Dr. Myles Munroe once said, "The greatest tragedy in life is not death... but life without reason. It's dangerous to be alive and not know why you were given life". Lavenders welcome to another blog post. The intro to this blog is quite different from the rest because today's blog is influential. In today's blog, I will share one of my biggest struggles growing up. I hope you enjoy the blog; like, share, comment, and subscribe. Thank you :).
Anxiety is one of the strongest emotions to experience. It comes in different forms, shapes, and types. It can be felt in different ways and forms. During my nineteenth year of life, one of the things that gave me great anxiety was turning 20 and feeling like I had achieved nothing with my life. I felt there was nothing to me. In my head, being 20 was a big deal. 20, to me, was a whole different feeling. But the most significant conflict that I encountered was feeling empty.
Many factors contributed to my anxiety—factors such as comparison, peer pressure, etc. I saw many teens my age achieving great things. They were talented, determined, skilled, all-rounded, and emotionally stable, but I was not. I portrayed myself as an excellent, sweet, spiritual, hard-working, and determined young woman, but there was little to me. I had many great strengths but also significant weaknesses. Throughout my childhood, I compared myself to others so much. I wanted to have so much more to me.
I had my academics going for me but nothing else. In October 2020, I began thinking deeply about every area of my life and began to reflect. I knew of God spiritually but had no significant or genuine relationship with Him. Many people, including myself, questioned my authenticity with God. It bothered me so much because I was lost, trying to find my purpose, and going through a lot. My Relationship With My Family and Friends had its fair share of ups and downs, like every other relationship. My relationship with myself was non-existent because I did not know myself, love myself, or know where I was going. I needed deep soul-searching. Soul searching to correct my character and personality and find my purpose and destiny. I was tired of mixing spirituality with reality. I felt like nothing. Many people pitied me, were just lovely, and portrayed me as a friendly, sound, and weak girl. I desperately needed help, and prayer was my only way out.
In the summer of 2020, my mom pursued three books for me: In Pursuit of Purpose: The Key to Personal Fulfillment, Understanding Your Potential, and Rich Dad, Poor Dad. Someone once told me in my eighteenth year of life that "Tolu needs guidance in life, and it is not based on age." Typically, 18-year-olds have some knowledge of the path they want for themselves, but to others, I did not and needed guidance. Every year of my life, I reflect on the previous year; this past year was better than the rest. I am a growing female trying to find my purpose and calling. I am trying to discover why I was born. I look around and see many great people around me doing great things. Self-fulfillment for me comes from knowing and fulfilling my purpose daily. The reason, God created me.
All the energy I had spent throughout my childhood and teenage years was spread in great and bad ways. I wish I spent my childhood and adolescent years discovering myself, being truthful to myself, being honest and authentic, talking less, and being straightforward and not two-sided. Being two-sided was one of my most significant weaknesses in the first nineteen years of my life. I spread myself thin for people around me, trying to please everyone. It got to the point that I was driving myself crazy. I was desperate to correct all my mess. I wanted to build a great relationship with myself and my family members. I was lost, stuck, and confused. There are so many things I wish I could redo in my childhood and teenage years, but mistakes and errors are a part of life. We cannot go back in time to correct the past, but we can change our present and build our future. I write for people to learn from my mistakes. I write for people to be impacted by my story. Please do not make the same mistakes I have made. Some might be reading this blog and questioning how a 20-year-old can put so much pressure on herself, but I am not a regular 20-year-old. I am searching for my purpose, as many people my age are. I want to begin to fulfill my purpose and destiny.
I am still on the part and journey to finding myself, purpose, and destiny. I have many goals in my 20s, such as being a giver, a reader, a better writer, etc. I am happy to have my blog and podcast going for me. I still have so much potential that needs to come out. There are many relationships I am yet to embark on, Many great opportunities I am yet to experience, and many excellent levels I am yet to encounter within my relationship with the Creator. I will get there. I would become the woman that God created me to become. It might be a long journey, but I will get there. My story will inspire many to come. My life has not been perfect; I am not a perfect human being. I am a young, vulnerable, and exciting person, but I know I will get there by the Grace of God.
I hope you have learned a thing or two from this blog. Please be sure to like, share, comment, and subscribe. God Bless You As You Do So. See you in the next blog.
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